Don't buy this app

HELLO! I am going to tell you all you need to know about this app.
There's a part of it that is a lot like the game "breakout" except that it has a picture of Ryan Gosling in it that you can hit with a flying baby!!! It has trivia where you can win tube socks or the continent of Europe, there is a part with a platypus and noses, and Reykjavik is featured, and also there's a donkey and Bob Ross and ancient Egyptian sculpture that will teach you a useful phrase in Dutch, and you can also read the third chapter of Beowulf but with more references to well-known screen star Abe Vigoda. Also you get a pug or a pony or a falcon or a banana when you tap pretty much anywhere! And a ninja will teach you some French!
The whole app is freeeeeeeee!!!! So you don't HAVE to buy it! You can just get it!!! If someone tells you you have to buy it they are a big liar!! But if you want ponies on your main screen, you'll have to buy those. So unless you want ponies, you should probably save your money for a pair of tube socks, or maybe a candied yam? Although on the other hand, this app features the Magical Unicorn Bonus™ and is even better with ponies, and there aren't any tube socks or candied yams or regular yams or other apps that have the Magical Unicorn Bonus™ so if you like the app AND want ponies in it, it's kind of a hard decision!! You should probably ask your mom or a favorite pet fish or the Vice President or my mom or a taco. Or flip a coin! But be careful not to hit your eyeball!! With the coin! Actually coins are pretty dangerous so just get rid of your coins.
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WARNING: This app contains a hamburger singing "La Spagnola". If you can't handle that, you should stop reading this description immediately.
ANOTHER WARNING: It's really quite mean to call people names. So please tell Albert you're sorry!
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YOU SHOULD KNOW that the app preview features the photograph "Mists and Magic" by Priyambada Nath. And now you do know that! And some music called "Borneo" by Keshko. In addition, and completely coincidentally, the screen shots include the photograph "Silky Sifaka" by Jeff Gibbs, and "Farmland of the A165" by J. Thomas. You should tell all your friends because you are a very thoughtful person!!!